Kim has always had a lot of love to give. After raising their biological children, Kim and her husband Jason felt the timing was right to open their home to children within the foster care system, specifically teenagers.
“I’ve always just felt bad for these kids…who don’t have a stable, safe environment,” said Kim, “I just always wanted to give what I had growing up to a child.”
Kim felt that she and her husband had everything they needed to provide a safe and healthy home environment for any child, and really wanted to help fill the critical need our nation currently has for foster parents of teens.
“It really scares me to think of kids who are aging out of the system without the life skills they need to succeed,” said Kim, “...we wanted a teenager…with teenagers, they understand a lot more than the younger kids, teenagers feel easier to us.”
Starting Their Foster Parent Journey
Kim wasn’t sure where to begin their foster care journey, so she and Jason decided to Google foster care in Minnesota, and that’s when they came across Nexus-Kindred Family Healing. It was conveniently located, and after some research, they decided to take the plunge. After filling out the necessary paperwork, Nexus-Kindred connected them with a social worker.
“Nexus-Kindred was awesome,” said Kim, “they helped me out, got me connected to my social worker, set up us with training…it was wonderful…our social worker helped answer questions we had on anything.”
Through their foster licensing journey, Kim and Jason have learned a lot, from rules and regulations, to being able to provide trauma-informed care. And Nexus-Kindred is always right there to help give guidance and training.
“You have to really learn how to talk to the kids,” said Kim, on what future foster and adoptive parents should know, “Some of them have been through so much, so just the littlest things you would say every day, even if it’s a joke, can really trigger a kid…we’ve learned so much…do the research on the different traumas that the children may have and learn what their reactions may mean, and how you need to react to them.”
Kim wants people considering foster and/or adoption to know that though the process may be long and even tedious at times, it’s so worth it, and that all the training that foster parents participate in is necessary and needed for the journey.
Instant Connection
Going into foster care, Kim and Jason weren’t necessarily planning on adopting. However, after some successful foster placements, Kim came across a teenage boy’s profile on the Minnesota Waiting Kids website, and instantly felt a connection with him.
“I just fell in love with Chays right away,” said Kim, after clicking to view his profile, “This kid is my husband’s little mini-me, they look the same, they talk the same, they walk the same…we listened to his reel and felt like he had a similar personality to us.”
After Jason and Kim met Chays in person, they knew they wanted to adopt him. After the paperwork and legal work was finished, Chays moved in by spring of 2023, and in a matter of days he felt completely at home and comfortable with his new parents. To this day, Kim and Jason feel extremely lucky.
“It’s been a blast,” said Kim, “He is a perfect kid for our family, he fits in so well…my biological children are in their late 30s, so it’s been fun remembering the different things that they liked to do [as teenagers], like going through the whole school thing again.”
Jason and Chays have a special bond, and love to spend their time together, from playing computer games to going for car rides in Jason’s convertible around the lake (with the top down, of course).
Acclimating to a New Normal
Though Chays instantly felt at home, there have been some challenges as he adjusts to this new chapter of his life. Before his adoption, he had been in 15 different foster homes and residential treatment programs, so attending public school for the first time since he was a young child has been a huge change.
“He wanted to be in a regular public school and be a regular kid,” said Kim, “As adoptive and foster parents, you have to understand the background of the child…if they’ve been moved a million times…you really have to know and empathize with what it’s like to move so often.”
Plans for the Future
Chays has the goal to one day become a veterinarian, having a love for animals, and loves to help care for the family dogs. He’s also making friends at school, and by attending church events with Kim and Jason, is getting to hang out with other kids his age while the adults attend bible study. Chays also maintains a relationship with many family members from his birth family, some of them even being present at his adoption finalization.
“Every kid is different; you have to know if it’s a safe environment,” said Kim “…but I do believe when it’s possible, these kids should maintain a relationship with birth family members.”
For the future, Kim and Jason are continuing to foster, and currently have a teenage girl named Sarah* placed with them who they have helped before through respite care. Sarah fits in well with the family and plans to stay with them as she finishes school. Kim and Jason would love to adopt Sarah, too, but they also want to make sure she focuses on finishing school and preparing for college. They want to make sure they are supporting her in the best way possible.
“Those two [Chays and Sarah] are like two peas in a pod,” said Kim, “they act like brother and sister, teasing each other, joking around and they’re constantly laughing…she’s pretty special. We’re lucky.”
*Name and details changed to protect privacy.
